OPTIMISM: Is it intentional, accidental, imposed or denied by God or Destiny or the Universe? (Can you CHOOSE to be optimistic?)

A good guy on the web by the name of Vincent Wright asked this question.  I call questions like this “trick questions” because there is no definitive answer.  Here’s my answer:

Optimism is often intentional.  Deciding to see the glass half full is a choice.  Sometimes optimism is accidental.  Even a pure pessimist can surprise him or herself when they seek “help” in difficult or dark times.  Seeking any kind of help indicates hope.  Hope is an optimistic response.  Optimism can be imposed on one by optimistic people who are trying to “help you see the light”.  An imposed view can support feeling better for a while, but it will not last unless the imposed mindset gets turned into the supposed mindset.  Optimism can only be denied by you.  It can never by denied by God.  God denies nothing that is good.  Can you choose to be optimistic?  Your only power in any given moment or situation is your power to choose.

Vincent, I am supposed to be organizing my office and paying bills thanks for this distraction.

 

IS THE DARK SIDE REAL? YOU GET TO CHOOSE YOUR BELIEFS.

A man contacted me through my website.  He claimed to want to discuss my services.  However what we discussed was “darkness”.  This man was not a weirdo.  He did not seem malicious.  Yet, his conversation was full of comments about having to protect himself from darkness, and having to fight darkness.  He saw life as a war between two sides—light and dark.   He then followed up our conversation with an email.  Here is an excerpt from his email:

I agree too that it is important to think positive because how we think has a lot to do with our success.  Now as I said before, many times you will be challenged.  Challenge is a way of testing how far you have grown in this world.  It is part of life.  And yes, the challenges you will be faced with in life do come from darkness.  Now you may not believe in darkness but I will say to you that darkness exists.  I’ve experienced this.  I have been attacked by darkness, They tried to injure my leg.  I’ve seen darkness travel through people.  I’ve seen people who have worked with darkness.  I’ve seen how people have been influenced by darkness.  Darkness even tried to kill me.  This is a world controlled by darkness.

I share this with you because so often our thoughts make complete sense.  Based on an experience, this man had given thoughtful time and consideration to these ideas he shared. I do not choose to argue his conclusions.  I do however want to point out his relentless emphasis of these ideas.

Here’s what I know today, every idea is looking for a fertile place to land and grow into reality.  What we emphasize, we fertilize.  (Did I just coin that or steal it?)

As I said to him in my reply, we each must first recognize what we believe and then see how what we believe is actively shaping our life.   When we each begin to objectively observe ourselves in the midst of living each day, much will be revealed.  Listen to the words that come out of your mouth.  Your beliefs and mindset hide in your words.

I have a friend who had developed the habit of talking about all the things she does not like.  Her emphasis on what she does not like had reduced her conversation to a list of one thing after another that she did not like.  It was robbing her of intimacy. She could not see this until I pointed it out.

Take note of the points you argue.  These points are another hiding place for our beliefs.  Remember your belief is not necessarily the truth.  But your emphasis on any belief will turn it into a truth in your life.  When we argue for a belief that means we cherish it.  Make sure the belief you argue for is worthy of your heart.

In my conversation with the caller, almost every sentence he spoke referenced darkness in some way.  Even when he spoke of light, darkness was more emphasized.  I am not surprised this man experiences darkness in his life.  It is in his conversation.  It is in his mind.  It is in his point of view.  Lawfully, it would have to show up as his life experience.

I am not picking on this gentleman.  I give thanks for the reminder he inspires:  Thoughts are nothing until we breathe life into them with our attention and heartfelt emphasis.

Here’s an excerpt from the book This Thing Called You, by Ernest Holmes

The barriers between you and your greater good are not barriers in themselves.  They are things of thought. It is because of this that all things are possible in faith. ‘It is done unto you as you believe.’  In interpreting this saying, you must pause after the word ‘as’.  Think about its meaning and you will discover that Jesus was saying that life not only responds to your belief, it responds after the manner of your believing, ‘as you believe’.  Life is like a mirror reflecting the image of your belief…

While the laws of mind, like all laws of nature, are neutral, good must finally overcome evil.  Evil is a negation.  God is positive.  Like light and darkness–darkness cannot overcome light but light can neutralize darkness.  This is why Jesus said if you seek the Kingdom first  everything else will be added, and in this “everything else” is included all things in this life that make for full livingness and joy, peace and happiness, health and harmony, and the success that rightfully belongs to a Divine Being.

Fabulous me to Fabulous you,

Tina

KANYE WEST and What To Do About Your Flaws!

Yeah you’ve got things that you need to address—character flaws, insecurities, sad and disappointing childhoods.  We all do.  This is what life is for.

You can spend this lifetime recreating yourself…turning you into a FABULOUS work of art.  This mindset makes life so much more thrilling…full of adventure and possibility.  It is not easy to undo negativity but YOU CAN.  There is no higher accomplishment.

Kanye West has been in the news a lot lately.  He can be a perfect example of what I am saying.  I don’t know him but he seems to be in a period in his life that is fueled by an inflated sense of himself as important in the world. At the same time there seems to be a deep sadness present in him. If I am right about the sadness I detect, this is the perfect place for him to start the journey of true SELF-creation. SELF means inner SELF.  How does one start such a journey?  Here’s what I would do:  Wake up asking myself how do I turn this sadness into real inner power and joy?  A powerful question is always a perfect starting place.  If you believe that the Universe—or God, or whatever you call the medium that life sits in—responds to thought and feelings, then a sincere and focused question, designed to move you to where you want to be, is a prefect starting place.

Fabulous me to Fabulous YOU,

Tina

YOU ARE THE BEST THING SINCE CHEESE!

You are FABULOUS!  What a lovely way to start the day, the week, the year—affirming yourself in a way that feels good.  We humans don’t do this often enough.  We are not taught nor encouraged to think about ourselves with excitement.  It’s really sort of odd when you think about it.  We have been taught it is okay to get excited about our first day of school, Christmas, our birthday and all the new things we achieve, buy or acquire.  Yet, these are things that are happening outside of us. We tend to get excited about what we are going to do or what we have.  Christmas and birthdays are days we look forward to, along with all the gifts that come with them. That excitement is different from saying and feeling excited about WHO YOU ARE.   This is what’s missing from many people’s lives—an appreciation of SELF that allows for involuntary smiles at the thought of being you.  Let’s start the What I Like about Me Movement.  Make sure you affirm something you like about you everyday, and everyday endeavor to make some inner part of you better.   I bet you’ll feel better, and all humanity will be better off.

Fabulous me to Fabulous YOU,

Tina

Discover What’s Missing In Your Relationship…with Yourself!

This whole week I’ve been talking about Gestalt.  As I mentioned in the previous blog I had the honor recently of studying with a Gestalt master by the name of Seymour Carter.  Google him, or visit his website at www.seymourcarter.com. Gestalt is a process for discovering what’s missing or repressed in your relationship with yourself.  Most of us have parts of ourselves that are repressed or left out of our daily lives.  An easy example of this is people who are nice and kind to the point of excluding the more aggressive and opinionated parts of them.  In these people kindness is dominant. Aggression is negatively judged and de-valued, and therefore suppressed.  However aggression is not all bad.  We need a healthy amount of aggressiveness to accomplish our dreams and meet life challenges.

Gestalt is a great way to integrate the repressed parts of you so you can bring more of your whole SELF to your daily life.  Gestalt has helped many people reconnect with a host of “missing” parts of SELF—sexuality, anger, hope, the skill of being accountable, responsible, etc.

Everyone has traits that dominate and parts of them that they have rejected, overlooked, disowned or simply are not comfortable with.  Invite those parts of you back into your life and discover greater freedom and personal power.  Gestalt is just one avenue for “self-integration”.

As with any practitioner or care provider, choose your workers carefully.  Not every practitioner knows what they are doing.  A really good rule of thumb:  If your practitioner acts like they know what is best for YOUR LIFE, drop them like a hot potato.  You are creative, resourceful, empowered and whole. Your inner intelligence knows what’s best for you.  You simply need to connect with practitioners who are skilled at helping you listen to your own wisdom.  It will not steer you wrong.

Just one tip for Waking Up Fabulous™ starting today.

Fabulous US,

Tina

Your Body Is A Road Map to Freedom!

Another great thing about Gestalt Therapy–it uses cues from our bodies to help us connect with our deeper thoughts and feelings. Our bodies are a doorway to our unconscious thoughts and feelings.

Gestalt gets you in touch with what is going on inside of you right now.  A trained Gestalt practitioner takes their cues from your body.  They look for the subtle reactions and gestures that register in your body.  For instance, you may be feeling ill at ease without being able to put your finger on exactly what you are feeling, and why.  As you talk, unconsciously you fidget with your fingers, or make a certain gesture–like maybe you shrug your shoulders.  A Gestalt worker sees these gestures as points of investigation, and will focus in on them and ask you to be come conscious of the gestures.  By becoming aware of what was unconscious and getting curious about it, fascinating and ultimately freeing emotional awareness occurs and greater understanding and clarity surface.

Working with a gifted Gestalt therapist can truly change your life.  The benefit is greater emotional integration and balance. You learn to feel more alive and whole—no part of you is repressed or missing—you are comfortable with all your emotions and able to appropriately engage them.

What I like about Gestalt is you and only you interpret what is going on with you.  Gestalt is not the only way but it is a good way to connect with yourself more deeply.

Okay just one more thing to say about Gestalt.  I’ll save it for tomorrow.   In the meantime…

Fabulous Me to Fabulous YOU,

Tina

What Adult Sleeps with a Teddy Bear?

I don’t know of any adults that sleep with a teddy bear, but according to Gestalt Master Seymour Carter you just might want to try it.   If you didn’t get the nurturing you needed from a significant person in your past, chances are you have a hunger for love that you haven’t been able to fulfill.

In a master class workshop with this Gestalt expert, I witnessed person after person find their way to greater emotional freedom through what Seymour calls “SELF-soothing.”   SELF-soothing is the act of giving ourselves the physical touch and emotional compassion we needed at some point in our lives but did not get.

Maybe you came from a family that did not touch much, or that was overly critical—when you cried you did not get held, you were not encouraged or soothed with loving words,  maybe you were left to figure out big life problems all on your own without the support and guidance you needed—and it left you feeling like you do not matter.  Whatever the case, when you develop a state of unfulfilled soothing, you can feel a sense of emptiness that follows you everywhere you go.

Seymour suggests you begin to GIVE YOURSELF THE SOOTHING YOU DIDN’T GET.  Cuddle with a teddy bear or pillow and tell your SELF, “Things are going to be okay.”  If you have a particular memory of not being supported when you needed it, it’s not too late to get the support you needed back then, RIGHT NOW!  Cuddle with your SELF and tell your SELF all the things you wish had been said to you back when you needed it. When you achieve an accomplishment, literally pat your SELF on the back and lovingly tell your SELF, “Good job.”  No matter how old you are, take on the role and behavior of being a good parent to the little person inside of you.

Most of us have a hurt from the past that still hurts.  Apply these SELF-soothing strategies and they will make a difference. If you start giving your SELF the love you wanted, your feelings of emptiness will fill-up with SELF-love.

Just a tip for Waking Up Fabulous™ starting today!

Fabulous Us,

Tina

10 Steps to Fall In Love!

Chandra Bindu Tantra Institute

Whether you are single or in a long-term relationship, every moment brings a new opportunity to fall in love. Rarely do we take advantage of this generous gift of life, even though most of us know it exists. It takes balls to be someone who rediscovers love every moment through the act of loving and I happen to think it’s how we’re all meant to live.

Perhaps we need to learn, all over again, from scratch, how to fall in love . . . in 10 easy steps.

1. Make a list of all the personality traits of all those past lovers who turned out to be “wrong” for you. Narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, peter pan, daddy’s girl, needy, possessive . . . some of these may top the list. Make the list, Then burn it. If this is how you’ve been seeing the world, then guess what, this is how the world exists inside of you. get over it. Make the list and burn it, free yourself. Stop avoiding people because they’re “unhealthy”, once you’re in love everyone suddenly appears to be – human.

2. Get up in the morning and start the day like someone who loves him or her self. Give yourself time for some internal maintenance. What do you love to do when you wake up in the morning on holidays? Do you take a walk? Have a bath? Make love? Spend some time reading? Have an extra cup of tea? What ever it is do it for yourself every – yes – every – day. Start the day like a lover and you’ll find life suddenly feels a whole lot like a honeymoon.

3. Look people in the eye when you speak to them and when they are talking to you. let people in. Making eye contact is very intimate and it’s a clear communication to life that you are open to intimacy. At first looking into another’s eyes may feel like too much, perhaps even overwhelming. Take it slow . . . begin by relaxing your body, especially your face, feel your feet on the ground and don’t forget to breathe. Let the experience of making eye contact be one of ease – don’t try too hard or you’ll end up looking like a goldfish at feeding time.

4. Stop taking yourself so seriously. 99.9% of the people you’ll meet have lived through some tragedy or another in their lives. That’s life. Your past has absolutely no bearing on your love unless you decide that it does. Remember, Tantra is sincere but never serious. The trials and tribulations that we’ve all faced make us even more loving once we’ve picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, and plunged back into life with a naked heart.

5. Enjoy your body. We all feel more like loving when we feel good about our bodies. Sometimes, all it takes is a swim in the ocean to make me feel absolutely besotted. Whether it’s a yoga class, making love, five rhythms dancing, working out in the gym, or slathering jasmine scented lotion all over yourself, find a way to feel your body come alive every day.

6. Smile. Right now. Don’t you feel more in love already? Smile often, and for no reason.

7. Open up to the world around you. When you eat something, take time to taste it. One meal each week, eat only for the sake of tasting. When you look at something, really see it. Notice the exact shade of blue in the evening sky. Smell the scent of your best friend’s skin next time you hug him or her. Touch yourself. How does your body feel? Listen to the sound of the wind in the trees and give yourself time to get lost in it. When you open to the sensual the sensual opens in you. Life becomes absolutely irresistible and so do you.

8. Make a list of all the things you want to get from a relationship and burn that list too. a relationship is not a sears catalog at Christmas time. If you are wanting a partner to share your spiritual journey, get a guru. Falling in love is about two complete people coming together to be absolutely alone and absolutely one at the same time . . . it’s about facing your aloneness, not curing it.

9. be honest. Tell the truth. Take the risk that some people will like what you have to say and others won’t. Stop riding the fence of mediocrity and be who you are. You are a glorious work-of-art in progress, let it show.

10. Stop looking for someone to love you. Fall in love all by yourself.

2006 all rights reserved
Chandra Bindu Tantra Institute

WATCH yourself DO WHAT YOU DO!

To take charge of your life and align with the creative intelligent power inside of you, you must practice becoming more aware of what you’re doing right now. Become an observer of you.  As you go through your day, see your “SELF” perched above yourself—watching you do what you do.  Try this and you will begin to see the unconscious reactions and beliefs you engage.  The more you begin to see what you do, the more you can choose thoughts and behavior that will better support your life.

Until I began to observe myself in action, I had no idea how often I followed positive thoughts with a big negative thought. Unconsciously, I used the big negative to keep me from getting my hopes up too high.  I began to see that a part of me doubted my ability to withstand disappointment.

Today I am not afraid of disappointment.  Disappointment does not concern me because I have learned that what looks like disappointment usually turns out to be “right-action”—the right thing taking place in the big picture.  Disappointment is often merely the set-up for something better.

Fabulous me to Amazing WONDERFUL YOU,

Tina

Client is Challenged by Love…I Can Relate!

Here’s a partial email communication from me to one of my clients:

I have thought about you since our conversation this morning.  It is clear you are looking to save your relationship.  I would just like to gently offer that YOU are the source of your happiness.  Developing a more connected and loving relationship with your SELF will help you better determine who does or does not belong in your life.  I encourage you to get clear about what you want in your life…not who you want.  Get a clear picture of the way you want to interact with your loved one; what kinds of things do you want to experience in your relationship; how do you want to feel; what values are important to you.  Once you know these things you will have a template you can use to help guide you in choosing who you share your SELF with.

Our society has given us very unhealthy role models for love and loving.  However your answer to the question, “Do you feel appreciated, respected, valued and desired by the person you desire,” is a great starting place.”  I had my eyes trained on having a relationship with a man whose actions clearly were not those of someone I should share my SELF with.  By OBSERVING my behavior objectively and inwardly asking the question, “What is so compelling to me about this man,” I came to clearly see that I was committed to my IDEA of what I wanted and not clearly seeing the man before me and his actions towards me.  In our minds our ideas of love are perfect, and therefore very compelling.  It takes objective observation to determine if the person before you is whom you love, or if you are you in love with your idea about love, and trying to shoehorn that person into playing a leading role in your personal fantasy.  Learning to see both the idea and person clearly can be a great sorting tool.  When the two DO match up you will know it.  You won’t find yourself overlooking bad behavior in order to hang on to your idea.  You will experience joy in spite of the challenges that come with growing a healthy relationship.

Be good to your SELF.

Fabulous me to AMAZING WONDERFUL FABULOUS YOU,

Tina